07 May 2009

Cheers Darling...

I used to blog fairly regularly about some pretty personal stuff. I stopped when the personal stuff started to infringe on the privacy of others close to me. Of course, that begs the question, I imagine, why I would bother now.

Tonight I find sleep an impossibly elusive mistress in spite of working 10 hour shifts all week and most of last week. Maybe I should have gone to the pub again last night and closed the place down yet again. I am finding some new friends there who are quite entertaining at the least and incredibly insightful on occasion. So was it the caffeine from lunch, the lack of proper sedative as a nightcap or the impending dental appointment early this morning (which will make today a very long day indeed)?

The answer is of course, D, none of the above. Tonight happens to mark the intersection of several events that conspire to keep my thoughts wandering endlessly. Primarily that today's dental appointment is a sort-of-anniversary of the day the cause of my long silence from blogging about most personal things decided to end our relationship in an extra innings nail-biter of a day. So I realized among other things that this is the first time I'll see my friends at the dentist office since the break-up, which makes them kind of unique among the various people in my life who all know by now (whether by direct or word-of-mouth marketing).

Today also marks the day the aforementioned former entanglement was due to return to the city of destiny (well, originally). So there was also that, but that is not all. Sunday, aside from being mothers day, also marks my thirty-second birthday. Yes I get to share my birthday with my mom (whose birthday is a week later and it seems blatantly unfair that she doesn't also sometimes have to share that with a "son's day" or something of the sort) about once every 5 years.

There isn't much of a connection between all of these things on the surface, except that I had been anticipating my birthday a long time ago. My ex had missed my only other birthday during our year and a half long relationship, and I had made the request that we go away and do something together, being that she was due back in town just in time. I didn't want to know a lot about the details, but it was very important to me that we do something together and alone. Not to offend any of my family who might also read this, but I'd had enough of spending my birthdays alone or as a third(ish) wheel to whatever was already going on with them.

Yeah I suppose it all seems very silly to focus so much energy at a date on the calendar but as I recall, it was between my 8th birthday and my mom's 35th that my parents split up, making it the last time we were all together. From then on I tended to always spend birthdays with family, never having much of a "party" with friends. My great-grandfather's birthday was the next day, so a few of were spent with them also. My dad decided to make his re-appearance on my 13th birthday. I remember being shocked and a little disoriented by the man standing at the back door who looked both strange and familiar. He had wanted to surprise me and he certainly accomplished that much at least. Finally I did get to have a party with friends (after a little protesting on my part) sometime around my 16th or 17th. It was kind of awkward though since it was a Wednesday and that was youth group night. So I went to McDonald's afterwards as I had started doing occasionally with some of my friends and my mom and grandmother decided to show up with a big cake and embarrass me enough that I never bothered asking for a big birthday party again.

So this year my invitation is to spend mothers day with my family and help my brother with the food (so his wife and the mother of their children doesn't have to) on the BBQ. Seeing as there isn't anything better to do anymore, I'll oblige and bring some ribs I've seasoned to my own special flavor resigned to spend at least one more birthday surrounded by all the reminders that at the end of the day I will still be alone.

Still, if anyone wishes to buy me a drink, I'll be at Paddy's in time for "happy hour."



doll parts


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