16 December 2009

oh how i've neglected you far too long...

Tonight was my Friday, my last, except that I volunteered to work a couple day shifts Thursday and Friday so I really only have one day off and slightly less than that considering I work all the earlier the following day. So I lay here playing my game in the dark after running into some friendlies briefly after work. I have wanted to say something but sometimes it isn't easy to know what to say.
Hey world! I know you're there. Maybe you're not listening right now, but I'm still here. My pulse is strong and my voice still breaks when I can't find the words...

Well so much has happened since my last post. A lot of morning and finding new routines which I am happy to report I will soon have to change! All signs point to my being able to finally move back into my regular shift by the end of January! I guess they are even tossing around the idea of letting me start work an hour earlier. That part isn't settled yet, but I think they also want me to only work every 4th weekend. That might just be enough to get me to stop applying for day shift jobs elsewhere! That is enough of that for now though...

So conversating with friends we got back to this topic that pops up every so often; which is loosely based on the question of who would be on your top 5 list of celebrities you would want to sleep with if you had such an opportunity, guilt free, even in the context of a relationship or marriage--a free pass if you will. The assumption is always that your partner has their own list and you've agreed to them. Typically this conversation takes place lightheartedly because there is just no context where you would get to meet the 5 people on your list and if you did, you're already making a major assumption that they would even be willing to play along.

So apparently my top five list tends to confuse people a bit. I'm not sure I have settled on my five, but Tina Fey would definitely be in the top 3 and has been ever since her Weekend Update days. It was a really big deal at the time that she co-hosted with Jimmy Fallon and then Seth Meyers. They hadn't had a female do Weekend Update since Jane Curtin if I'm not mistaken. So she's funny and smart, possibly not in that order. Oh and it doesn't hurt that she's very attractive either. So she has the trifecta and we'll forgive the fact that she's someone's mom for now because that's not my particular fetish just yet.

In coming up with a number two I'd stick with the funny fem theme and that leads me back to Janeane Garofalo originally but she fell out of the spotlight long enough that when she came back she just didn't do it for me anymore. I guess she's always been a bit older than me, but I didn't realize just how much older until she had a chance to age another 10 or so years. That really only leaves Sarah Silverman as a potential candidate but her wit and humor are clouded ever so slightly by her tendency to appeal to the lowest common denominator a little too quickly in pursuit of the laugh. I would prefer to be the dirty mind even in my one-night-stand fantasies thank you. I guess I'm not totally given into pure feminist ideology enough for her. But that voice she does for Crank Yankers gives her honorable mention.

I think for my 2nd person for the top 5 I am going to go with Sarah Vowell. She's not really much of a celebrity, except when she is promoting her books. I don't know too many authors who make the impression she does when interviewed by Letterman or O'Brien. I don't really know exactly what it is. She's always a bit nerdy, but in a very ballsy sort of way which I find really hot! Go on, be smart and let your freak flag fly Sarah, and if we ever meet at an airport bookstore, I might still have a key to sneak out onto the apron and find that one place where the camera's don't find you!!!

For my third, it's really very easy. I've always had a thing for Natalie Portman ever since Beautiful Girls. I don't know how old she is there, but she PLAYS thirteen going on thirty-five. I know she's a little too obvious and I should be spanked for picking a Star Wars alumnus for my top five, but as long as she gives the spankings I don't even mind.

From there it gets a lot more difficult. There isn't a lot of room left. I have two choices left and they better be good. I haven't picked a redhead yet. What if the condom breaks? I would hate to waste my seed on someone without a single freckle at least! I always thought the band-geek from American Pie was hot but Alyson Hannigan kind of doesn't do it for me anymore. Maybe it's because they made her a brunette for "How I Met Your Mother." In that event the only thing she really had going for her was the ginger. So in an attempt to find a better redhead I came to Patty Griffin. I'm not sure exactly how old she is but I saw her once on Austin City Limits and for an older woman she's really quite striking and I really should have someone with strong pipes on my list. Hopefully she's a screamer!

Finally I feel the need to include an older woman, significantly older. I'd like to think even after all this there is still something left to learn from someone with the kind of experience necessary to pass this wisdom on to my generation! Who would that be? What about someone who also has red hair and that tell-tale streak of silver that marks her as an oracle of sorts. Yes I am talking about that Queen Diva, Bonnie Raitt. I've always loved her secretly, so why not enshrine her on my list? The truth is, she could be my blender at any age!


Sorry, I got a little excited. That is so unlike me. Well, I really only shared the list because I might try to write a script for a nice dark romantic comedy where such a list lingers as a minor arc in the narrative of love acquired, neglected, nearly lost to foolish deeds, and finally realized all the more through the trouble. Of course that's what would sell. I'd also love to leave my protagonists dangling from their own ropes and audiences a little queasy from being manipulated so much.

Time for some tunes...

Peace, love and happy birthday Jesus (hey soos),



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